Unfortunately, is seems we all experience body shame. It appears to be rare indeed that someone feels truly good about their body. I came upon this week’s blog topic as a result of three clients I’ve seen in the past week, one of whom is at a very healthy point in terms of accepting her body, her weight, and her state of health—even though she is not at the weight she would like to be. I am so happy for her and proud of her for all of the work she’s done to get to this point of self-acceptance. She will continue to work on her health and if she loses additional weight, it will only further enhance her well-being.
But my other two clients, one male, one female, are very overweight and have developed binge eating disorders as a result of their extreme dissatisfaction with their weight. They both describe the intense shame, self-loathing, and embarrassment they feel, even just in terms of their food intake.
Getting started with these two beautiful clients, as important as the meal plan we put together is, it is far more important that we make progress toward body acceptance. I’ve been thinking about these clients a lot and want to see them succeed. I feel that we all contribute to their struggles, as well as our own. As a society, we do not accept excess weight, and the prejudice only increases for those among us who are obese. It is overdue for us to take a moment to be introspective; what are your feelings about people who are overweight or obese? Do you think the issue is about lack of willpower? laziness? not caring? not taking care? In my experience, these reasons are about as far from the truth as possible.
If only we could quit judging, both ourselves and everybody else. When related to ourselves, it can be very liberating to slow the stream of negative self talk and throw in a few accolades now and then. For the people we interact with during our day, a lack of judgment from us can help them do the same. Even if we’re just passing each other on the street, we’re all connected and our thoughts, feelings and actions affect each other.
I do see progress being made. When looking at department store magazines, I’ve been noticing that it’s not just the underweight models we’ve seen for decades, but normal weight and varying sizes of overweight models showing clothing now. Finally, as only about 1% of people are naturally “model thin,” and when the rest of us are held to that standard, it sets us up for failure: body shame and judgmental thoughts and actions that undermine the majority of us who struggle with our weight, size, shape and self image.
Actors seem to be expanding as well, and I mean that in a good way, because as we start seeing more shapes and sizes on screen, we expand our perception of what “normal” can and does look like. It’s not to say that we should let go of our health goals and efforts to be healthy, allowing our weight and waistlines to expand, but to be accepting of ourselves and others each and every day as we aspire to be our best, healthiest, least judgmental selves.
My Challenge to You in Reducing Shame and Judgment
How we think about ourselves reflects in how we see and treat others. Whether it’s a look of disgust or disapproval, moving away from a heavy person in a crowded room, not making eye contact, or saying a rude or offensive comment, there are far too many ways we harshly judge the overweight and obese. To reduce judgment and avoid body shaming, whether consciously or not, we can all benefit from implementing these suggestions:
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Stop dieting. Start listening to your body, eat when you are physically hungry, and stop when you are no longer hungry—not full. There’s a big difference between “no longer hungry” and “full,” and it takes some time getting used to the difference. Eating until you’re full results in overeating, which then becomes our norm of what portions to eat each time we sit down to a meal or snack. As soon as we recognize we’re no longer hungry, that’s the point of satisfaction and appropriate intake for our body. Intuitive eating allows us to be less judgmental of ourselves while still being accountable.
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Allow an indulgence. Much to my sadness, we now live in a culture where food is demonized. We seem to constantly search for the foods that will somehow magically manifest weight loss; carbs have been the demon for some time now, but there is no evidence that whole grains, nonfat and low-fat dairy, and fruit should be cut from our diets. Plant-forward diets are by far the most scientifically backed in terms of eating for good health, including for healthy weight. The healthiest food mantra we can adopt is “all foods fit, in moderation.” An occasional indulgence follows this principle, prevents deprivation, and alleviates guilt. Less guilt equals less judgment.
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Make conscious food choices. Pay attention to your food choices and you might be dismayed at how often you eat without thinking, simply because the food is there, someone else is eating, we are offered food, it’s “meal time,” and so on. Transformational changes can also occur when we get out of remote control eating dictated by food companies. Think about it, do we really need a 4th meal as Taco Bell has stated? Is sharing a Coke really sharing love? Is fast food really fast? Many healthy, home cooked meals can be put on the table in less time than going through drive-thru. Conscious food choices dramatically reduce self-judgment.
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Sing your praises. Each and every day, make a commitment to state a minimum of 5 positive affirmations related to your healthy food behaviors and choices. If you can think of 10, 15 or 20 affirmations, go for it. My clients often have a very hard time doing this. It’s not bragging, it’s acknowledging the things you’re doing on a daily basis that keep you well and going strong. Positive affirmations confirm your commitment to your wellness and self-love. And when you see yourself in a positive light, it will be much easier not to judge others.
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Let go of fear. Embrace the differences in each of us that make us unique, wonderful, human beings. Learn about what you don’t know that may be making you judgmental. Obesity is an amazingly complex condition that isn’t a flaw in character and is not as simple as being lazy. Yes, some people who are very overweight will admit they’ve given up and given in, unsure as to how to create change. But it’s just as true that other people with similar lifestyles of inactivity and poor eating habits will forever stay thin. Remember, when you see thin or normal weight people, they are not necessarily healthier than those who are heavy. That’s another false judgment.
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Look for the positive. Pay it forward and do something kind as often as you can. Challenge yourself to say something nice to at least one person every day. It’s amazing the ways you’ll benefit, including knowing that you’ve made someone else’s day a bit brighter as well.
I celebrate you as you work to be less harsh with yourself and those you interact with. Thank your body for all of the wonderful and awesome things it does for you on a daily basis, and reward it with positive thoughts and actions.
Karen Fisher, MS, RD, LDN, CDE is a dietitian in Reno, Nevada, happily promoting the benefits of healthy foods at her nutrition consulting firm, Nutrition Connection. Find her website atwww.NutritionConnectionNV.com
To find a nutrition expert in your area, go to the academy website – Find an Expert https://www.eatright.org/find-an-expert
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